The Noid Nabbed: Pizza Mascot Sentenced to Mental Institution After Bizarre Crime Spree

The Halloween Herald Issue #2

—Special Report by Detective Sherlock Hemlock

In a shocking turn of events that has left pizza lovers stunned and psychologists baffled, the infamous Domino’s mascot -- The Noid -- has been committed to the high-security mental institution Sonny’s Sanitarium following a series of destructive crimes across multiple pizza chains.

Authorities say the red-suited cartoon nemesis, long known for his attempts to "ruin pizza," took his decades long vendetta too far last weekend when he allegedly sabotaged ovens, stole delivery scooters, and locked 14 employees inside a walk-in freezer at a local Papa John’s.

Witnesses report hearing high-pitched giggles and shouts of “You can’t avoid me now!” as he fled the scene on a skateboard and disappeared into the night.

“No one ever took the Noid seriously,” said Special Detective Krupky. “But this wasn’t one of his usual pranks. This was premeditated pizza terrorism.”

During his trial, court-appointed psychiatrists testified that the Noid had developed a delusional fixation on pizza delivery efficiency, claiming that modern GPS technology had rendered his existence obsolete. “He believes his life's mission is to restore chaos to the world of fast food delivery,” said Dr. R. Ruster. “The level of obsession is unprecedented.”

Judge Gavel Doozer ruled the Noid legally insane and ordered his permanent commitment to Sonny’s Sanatorium “for the protection of both the public and fast food chains across the nation.”

Domino’s has since released a statement expressing regret and disavowing the actions of their former mascot. “We hoped the Noid would stay in retirement. We had no idea the toll that 1980's marketing expectations had taken on him.”

Doctors at Sonny’s are welcoming the challenge of rehabilitating the Noid stating, “It's clear the industry and medical system has failed this poor soul. We accept the responsibility with open arms and aim to prove our cutting edge treatments can help even the most challenged in the MMP community.”

During the trial Judge Doozer suggested the Mascot Muppet & Puppet community may need more outside oversight than originally thought. No word yet on whether other food mascots will face legally enforced wellness checks as was suggested during the Spongmonkie Scandal late last year. In the meantime, the pizza industry remains on high alert — even though avoiding the Noid shouldn’t be a problem… for now.