Sonny’s Sanitarium to open doors to public with star-studded gala Nov 1st, 2025 — But what’s really going on behind those cereal-coated curtains?

The Halloween Herald Issue #1

—Published by our Page 666 Team Reporters

It’s going to be the gala of the year — sparkling lights, bottomless bowls of Lucky’s Charms, and a guest list hotter than a freshly toasted Pop-Tart — but beneath the sugar-glazed glitz, something seriously strange is afoot at Sonny the Cuckoo Bird’s Sanitarium for Mascots Muppets & Puppets.

Rumor has it the whole operation is backed by a suspiciously generous sponsorship from the Kellogg Foundation. Because of this, industry leaders raised eyebrows at the facility’s striking resemblance to Dr. John Harvey Kellogg’s infamous Battle Creek Sanitarium — a historic holistic retreat known for its bizarre “health & wellness” practices and, let’s be honest, more than a few deeply problematic ideologies.

Sonny’s Sanitarium is being touted as a “healing haven” for overworked and over-stimulated mascots, muppets, and puppets struggling with identity crises, public burnout, addiction, or just plain marionette madness.

Sonny himself, best known for going CUCKOO for Cocoa Puffs, has given several promotional interviews leading up to the gala, taking great pains to also mention his personal struggle to find proper treatment for his illness, “It’s not just about curing addiction or psychological pain. It's about gaining clarity and cleansing the soul.”

Inside the Sanitarium: More Than Meets the Googly Eye

Sources tell The Herald that treatments offered at Sonny’s are borderline unethical, raising many red flags. We're talking electrostatic “joy realignment,” high fiber breakfasst colonics, and something ominously referred to as the “Snap-Crackle-Pop Recalibration Chamber.”

Word on the street is retired mascots like Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben, and Frito Bandito were seen checking in weeks ago, but haven’t been spotted since.

Community Reactions

Local Lynbrook residents, on the other hand, have been buzzing with excitement over the economic boom Sonny’s Sanitarium might bring. “It’s going to be good for tourism,” sanitarium neighbor Beppie Lipsky said, “but between you and me, I’m keeping my Froot Loops locked away at night, just in case”.

Page 666 Verdict?

Sonny says the Sanitarium is “grrreat for the soul,” but not everyone’s convinced. With mascots checking in and few checking out we’re keeping our third eye firmly fixed on this one.

Stay tuned. This story’s just getting into soggy territory.