Exclusive News: Popeye and Catalina Mermaid are Making Waves with Their Steamy New Romance — But is Trouble Lurking Below the Surface?

The Halloween Herald Issue #5

—Published by the Pg 666 Sea-crets Desk

Batten down the hatches and walk the plank — because Popeye the Sailor Man is officially off the market. And his new boo? None other than Catalina Mermaid, the shimmering siren and long-reigning queen of Chicken of the Sea.

The unlikely duo has gone from "covert cruising" to full-blown couple status after weeks of dodging paparazzi and sneaking out of waterfront restaurants in separate dinghies. But recently, things have taken a serious turn — and all of us at the Herald are absolutely losing it.

Just last weekend, the sea-sational duo was snapped canoodling in front of Heart of the Ocean Jewelers, where eyewitnesses say the couple spent “well over an hour” looking at rings. Yes, those kind of rings.

“They were totally vibing in the sapphire section,” said one store employee. “She kept flipping her hair like she already knew she was getting a rock.”

Insiders say the chemistry is undeniable. Popeye’s rough-and-tumble sailor swagger paired with Catalina’s bubbly charm has Hollywood and Atlantis swooning.

“She’s the tuna heiress with a tail of gold. He’s a roughneck sailor with forearms for days. It’s weird... but it works,” said a close friend of the couple.

But not everyone’s swimming in joy…

From Tuna to Tartare: The Ex-Files

Sources close to Catalina say some of her past suitors aren’t taking the news well and could even be plotting to torpedo the romance. The list of salty exes is deep and divisive: Charlie the Tuna, Gorton the Fisherman, and Captain Morgan just to name a few.

“She’s got a history. Let’s not pretend she doesn’t,” spilled another friend. “These guys aren’t just exes — they’re powerful, petty, and possessive.”

One anonymous former flame allegedly tried to intercept the couple’s reservation at a secluded seaside spa in Massachusetts and on another occasion reportedly sent Popeye a crate of sardines with a note: “Fish ain’t the only thing that can fit in a can”.

Proposal or PR Stunt?

So, is a proposal really on the horizon? Or is this just another splashy PR push cooked up by Chicken of the Sea or the big spinach branding teams? Both companies could use a boost especially after Popeye Spinach unceremoniously ended one of its largest supply contracts late last year.

Either way, we’re watching closely — and if that sapphire shines as bright as the rumors, we’re gonna need to find some shade!

Until then, we’ll keep our periscopes up! Sea-you later gators.